I know some of you are
curious as to what Felix's birth story is so I figured I would post it
for you to read. It's almost a novel so only read this if you have time!
My due date was swapped around several times so I had 3 dates when I was to "expect" Felix, June 15th, June 18th and June 22nd. So when all those dates came and went I was more than ready to have the little man.
On June 27th I posted something to the effect of "So the big question is should I get JJ to drive me to Caioti's Pizza Cafe in Studio City so that I can have "the salad"?" on Facebook. The urban legend in LA is that after having the salad you are sure to go into labor within 24 hours and being 5 days "over due" I was ready to do anything that would help me have the child already. Lunch time came around and JJ and I looked at each other and said "nah no way are we going to get that salad... too far... but tonight for dinner for sure... we will go..." dinner came around and sure enough we didn't go get the salad. JJ just went to the sub place down the street and got us some sandwiches instead.
Later on that night when I went to the bathroom I realized that the "Bean" had plans of his own and also wanted out as much as I did, as I had my bloody show. I told JJ and the two of us are all excited about this. I called the midwives to let them know that the baby was on it's way and was told to just get some rest and to call them in the morning.
JJ and I both went to bed and at about 2AM the contractions started and there was no way that I was going to sleep threw them. So I let JJ sleep beside me while I moaned and groaned beside him. Next morning JJ woke up and I was still having contractions so he called the midwives. We were told to start timing them and that when they got to be 5 minutes apart lasting a minute for over an hour to call them back which we did later on that morning.
At around 11AM or so Katie came by and sat there with us while I was having a contraction on my bed. Here we all were siting on the bed chatting and me petting Yoda while I'm having contractions and she just looked at me and said " dear you are in early labor just hang on in there because this could last for days so get some sleep!" So off she went and I was just baffled... early labor? but this is worst than all the false starts we'd had in the past and I swear I'm not joking this has to be the real thing...
After she left I tried to get some sleep which I'm not sure I got and waited around for things to move faster. At around 8 PM things had progressed and I was now in the bath tub hanging on for dear life while contractions came over me. JJ called Katie again and she sent Jacqueline to our house.
Jacqueline had been our teacher and we had had a 6 week class with her about what to expect when we were in labor and after. Not having seen her for a few weeks it was nice to see a friendly face again.
So there she is sitting on my toilet while I'm in the tub, talking to JJ and telling him "yeah you are close but this isn't it... the mood will change drastically when it's active labor. Think of the mood and what it's like when you are about to have sex... It will be just like that... and this isn't it... so just relax have a glass of wine or two and see if you can't get her to sleep some." So after all that this still wasn't it? Crap! I mean come on... It had been a full 24 hours at this point and I was ready to have this child like NOW!
So after Jacqueline left, we opened a bottle of wine and had a couple of glasses each which is hilarious when you consider that we don't drink at all. We went to bed after that and JJ being allergic to alcohol was down for the count. I on the other hand was tired but the wine had had no effect what so ever on me... I tried once again to go to sleep and had little success with that... so back to the bath tub I went... the reason the bath tub was now the hot spot in my house is that warm water acts like a sort of epidural so I was just enjoying the reprieve from the actual pain of this "early" labor. In the tub I think I was able to get a few moments of shut eye but nothing to write home about.
The next morning rolls around and JJ once again calls Katie saying "ok this time it has to be it... please come check". She shows up shortly there after and says "yup there's progress but you aren't quite there yet", she was looking for me to be 6 centimeters dilated and I wasn't quite there yet. So she offered to have an apprentice midwife come and act as a doula (person who will help you with your labor) and I was like yes please. So she called Andrey who came into our lives shortly there after.
Andrey is the one I credit with the peace and serenity that I had from that moment on. She made me relax threw the contractions and told me to stop thinking about the pain and to let it just wash over me, to let my body take over and to visualize my uterus opening like a flower so that the baby could come out. Up to that point I had had a frown on my face with each contraction and had tensed up completely. With Andrey's help I was able to just breath threw them like it was nothing. So after having a few contractions, she suggested that we go for a walk and that that would help speed things up and use gravity to our advantage.
Here I am somewhat dilated having contractions walking around our complex with Yoda, JJ and Andrey. With each contraction I would stop and do the 5th grade slow dance with JJ. Meaning I was hanging on to his shoulders with my feet shoulder width apart and rotating my hips as the contractions went on.
After having walked/danced around for what seemed like forever and gone up and down stairs we went home, ordered and had dinner.
Now we were on, so Jacqueline was called back and she checked my cervix and low and behold there had been progress I had gone from barely dilated to 3.5 to 4 centimeters. Not the 6 they were looking for but better than nothing. Jacqueline told me she could feel my bag of waters coming out of my cervix and that right past that she could feel a head. So in my mind we were on the way there and I was ready to rumble. I was told that I needed rest and that they were going to call Luree and have her hypnotize me so that I could get some rest.
It's now day 3 of this and 1AM or so and I'm laying on my left side in bed while Luree is putting me under telling me to imagine that I am walking on a beach and that each wave brings me closer to having my baby and I'm thinking "what in the hell is this? you are going way too fast with your instructions lady... you are telling me to relax all these parts of my body and I'm having a hard time of it... plus how in the hell is this going to allow me to rest if I'm wide awake?" So after round 4 of putting me under, here I am in need of the bathroom so I struggle to get out of bed and run to the bathroom to pee. Luree is like "we can either continue or I can wake everyone up and we can let you have your baby now." I was like "I'm still tired let's see if I can get more rest in plus I hate to wake everyone up." I was secretly hoping that I would sleep for a few more hours and that it would be early morning but not super early so thus ok to wake people up. So here we go with a few more rounds of "imagine you are walking in a forest/beach/field" and now I can feel my contractions and they are now way more pronounced than they were before I went on my walk around nature so much so that hypnosis is no longer working for me and that I'm now wide awake and want this pain to be over with so that I can have this child NOW!
Luree wakes JJ up who had been sleeping in the next room and shows him how to do this massage that is supposed to help me no longer feel my contractions as it confuses the brain as there are too many messages sent to it at the same time. So here's JJ barely awake trying to do this massage on me and while it feels good it's not really helping as he's not doing it like she did but he's trying his hardest tho and he's like "I hate to see you in pain please please please let this be done now please".
After Luree leaves off to the tub I go! Nothing helps like warm water does! It's now 4 or 5 AM and this baby is now ready to come out and all I want is my birth pool to be set up in my living room so that I can have this child NOW!
Katie shows up and they set up in the living room and get the pool ready and in I go. Prior to the whole thing I had asked JJ if he would mind getting into the pool with me so that I could feel him helping me threw this rather than having him sit on the outside of the pool and just talking me threw it. Plus if he was going to catch the baby it would just be easier if he was in there to begin with. He goes to the bedroom and comes back with swim trunks on and get's into the pool and sits on this seat that is built into the pool while I sit in front of him with my butt on the "floor" of the pool.
So I have contractions and he hold my hands while I'm having them and between each of them we are talking and giggling about how we should be charging the midwives rent as they are all sleeping on our couch or bed. They are all completly dead to the world while JJ and I are chatting up a storm making time go by as the contractions get longer and longer and the time between them get's shorter and shorter.
A few hours go by and Jacqueline walks out of the bedroom and to me and asks if she can check my cervix and I'm like hum "no!". I think of the whole experience thus far having someone put their hand up my lady parts to "inspect my progress" is my least favorite so when I'm offered to see how I'm doing down there as much as I might be curious I also could care less...
A few minutes go by and JJ goes to the bathroom. While he's gone Andrey asks me to give JJ the ok to go to sleep which I had already given him prior. When he comes back Andrey talked him into going to get some sleep. So off to bed he went.
After he left the contractions got to be stronger and maybe 5 or 6 contractions after JJ left as I was having a contraction I felt something like a balloon pop between my legs. That was my bag of waters. I tell Andrey this and she get's Jacqueline to check my cervix. Jacqueline checks me and I was right my bag of waters was gone and now she can feel the head I am now 7.5 to 8 centimeters dilated. She feels around a little longer and tells me that the baby's head isn't coming down the way it should and that it's twisted so maybe we should all go for a walk and going up and down stairs should jostle the baby into the right position.
So out of the tub I get and I put on a dress and off we go. Two steps... contraction... two steps... contraction... one step down, two steps down... contraction... going down stairs is like all out torture at this point but if it will help get the baby postionned properly I'm game... well some what...
We get down what seems like 15,000 stairs but is only something like 10 in 5 minutes or so and I feel like I'm complaining the whole time down. Then out the gate we go down 5 more stairs and on to the curb. There Jacqueline looks at me and says: "ok we are going to do something like the duck walk... you will have your left foot on the road and your right foot on the curb and up and down you go till you hit that car... ok?" I looked at her and looked at the car she pointed at which was 2 car lengths away and then look at her and say; "you know I like you right? because when I had a personal trainer I would have killed them if they had asked me to do that... so... count your blessings!" Jacqueline laughed and off I go. One step and one step up... contraction... one step and one step up... contraction... ouch ouch ouch... seriously till that car? Why don't we make it till the moon while we are at it? I make it to the car and by now I'm exhausted so we take a break and sit on the curb and chat for a while. After what seems like an appropriate amount of time to rest off to walk back to the other car. So left foot on the curb and right foot on the road. one step up and one step... contraction... one step up and one step... contraction...
Up the 5 stairs... up the 15 stairs... and we are home... off to the bathroom I go... Baby is now on my blater and it seems that I need to go pee every other minute when I am standing. Off to the bathroom I go and do my business... while I'm in there the midwives have a pow wow and when I get to my bed they are all waiting for me and tell me they are going to grab a sheet and see if moving the sheet back and forth on my belly that it will maybe move the baby in the right position and if that doesn't work that they will try something else.
JJ by now has heard the talking in the bedroom and comes to investigate and finds me on the bed just moaning as the contractions are now unbearable. Katie grabs the sheet and moves it into position and starts moving it and now I'm just not having it. I'm telling her to stop as the combination of contractions and sheet/belly moving action is just too much...
Jacqueline checks my cervix and then runs off to talk with Katie. While they are gone I'm litteraly on the verge of tears and tell JJ that I'm not sure I can handle much more of this...
Katie and Jacqueline come back into the room and tell JJ and I that I haven't progressed in any way and that things haven't changed in the way of the baby's position so that because it's been a few hours that they are suggesting that I be transported to the hospital.
I put my dress back on and off JJ, Jacqueline and I all go to the hospital, which is like 15 minutes away. As we drive there I swear all the pot holes in LA mysteriously find there way on our route and each time we approach on I cringe and that makes my contractions worst. So after a few pot holes I decide that maybe I don't need to have my eyes open and shut them so as to not know when the pain is going to be inflicted on my poor poor body ...
We get to the hospital and walk into the labor and delivery ward and Jacqueline is asking me questions so that we can fill out the information to get me checked in and my brain is just not working... After I get my crap together long enough to answer all her questions off we go to my room... most of the way there this other nurse is like "nope wrong room... please follow me..." and off in the opposite direction we go... and I tell Jacqueline that maybe we should just wait and see if they change their mind about which room I'm going to... since they can't seem to know where I'm going...
In the room I go and I put on the oh so sexy hospital gown... get strapped with two hockey puck like monitors on my belly and wither in pain as I have more contractions... the nurses are done with my "prep" and an anesthesiologist comes in and gives me an epidural and presto the pain of the contractions go bye bye.
For the next 30 minutes or so I'm left alone and I fall asleep in 2 seconds flat and am dead asleep. After that period of time has elapsed they wake me up and check my cervix once again, can't feel that this time, yay! Now I am fully dilated and they are looking at the monitor that's hooked up to my belly and they tell me I'm having a contraction except I can't feel it so as they tell me to push I'm like "ok? but what am I pushing? and where?"
The doctor, Dr. Kline comes in and watches me "push" threw a contraction and tell me that they are going to remove the epidural as it's obvious that I can't feel anything and that I need to feel something in order to push.
Bye bye epidural and now in less than 15 minutes here we go again with the contractions and now I feel like I HAVE to push. And I'm pushing and pushing but it feels like I'm going to poop this child out rather than have it come my cervix.
4 hours of this and I'm exhausted and I want nothing to do with the pushing anymore I'm just way way way too tired. I ask the doctor if we can use a vacuum to get the baby out and off he goes to vacuum the baby out... and then nothing...The Bean has just wedged himself in such a way that he won't come out naturally down the shoot.
Dr Kline had told me that if things didn't progress and that if the baby didn't come out by a certain time that he was going to perform a c-section. This wasn't what I wanted thus the vacuum and the 4 hours of pushing. Ultimately what I wanted and what happened were two very separate things...
So now off to the operating room we go and in a matter of 10 minutes out comes Felix. Up until that moment I had no clue I was carrying a boy and the second I heard him cry I was so very emotional. JJ is all excited about the birth of his son and pulls out his Blackberry and starts taking pictures and video of the happy event.
So here I am on the operating table looking at the clock and watching my golden hour pass me by and start to resent the fact that I'm on this bloody table unable to move while everyone else in the room gets to move around and hold/touch my son.
So after they sew me back up and transfer me to a bed they cart me off to the recovery room. After a few minutes I ask if I can hold my son and all I can do at this point is kiss him... All this work to get this little guy out and after all that he's perfect... My golden hour is almost over but before it is I try to breastfeed him and he latches on... badly and it hurts but who care? because without that first latch breastfeeding would have been a problem...
Katie comes into the recovery room and is the first person we introduce Felix to and she coos over how cute he is. She is also given my placenta which is in a plastic 2 gallon container and fills up half of it. Before she leaves she tells us that she will be back on Saturday with Jacqueline to check up on us.
After she leaves, we are all moved to a private room where we spend the next 3 days bonding with Felix before we are sent home.
What I take out of this experience is that I tried everything I could to get Felix out the "normal" way as opposed to a c-section and that because of his head's position he just couldn't come out that way. That being said if I were to do it again I would in a heart beat. This was the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I can't stop staring at Felix and marvel at how beautiful he is and that for 10 months I created him and made him. I also can't help but be amazed at how he is already his own little person and that even tho he can't talk yet he makes his wishes known.
I love my son more than I could ever explain and hope that the bond the two of us have now will only get stronger as time goes on.
Also I can't thank JJ enough for being with me and holding my hand each step of the way. This process was very much the way I wanted and I can't thank him enough for letting the pregnant hormonal woman get her way.
Katie, Jacqueline and Andrey, I love you! You ladies are rock stars in my eyes! I can't thank you enough for putting up with my crazy labor and mostly for doing away with sleep the way you did.
My due date was swapped around several times so I had 3 dates when I was to "expect" Felix, June 15th, June 18th and June 22nd. So when all those dates came and went I was more than ready to have the little man.
On June 27th I posted something to the effect of "So the big question is should I get JJ to drive me to Caioti's Pizza Cafe in Studio City so that I can have "the salad"?" on Facebook. The urban legend in LA is that after having the salad you are sure to go into labor within 24 hours and being 5 days "over due" I was ready to do anything that would help me have the child already. Lunch time came around and JJ and I looked at each other and said "nah no way are we going to get that salad... too far... but tonight for dinner for sure... we will go..." dinner came around and sure enough we didn't go get the salad. JJ just went to the sub place down the street and got us some sandwiches instead.
Later on that night when I went to the bathroom I realized that the "Bean" had plans of his own and also wanted out as much as I did, as I had my bloody show. I told JJ and the two of us are all excited about this. I called the midwives to let them know that the baby was on it's way and was told to just get some rest and to call them in the morning.
JJ and I both went to bed and at about 2AM the contractions started and there was no way that I was going to sleep threw them. So I let JJ sleep beside me while I moaned and groaned beside him. Next morning JJ woke up and I was still having contractions so he called the midwives. We were told to start timing them and that when they got to be 5 minutes apart lasting a minute for over an hour to call them back which we did later on that morning.
At around 11AM or so Katie came by and sat there with us while I was having a contraction on my bed. Here we all were siting on the bed chatting and me petting Yoda while I'm having contractions and she just looked at me and said " dear you are in early labor just hang on in there because this could last for days so get some sleep!" So off she went and I was just baffled... early labor? but this is worst than all the false starts we'd had in the past and I swear I'm not joking this has to be the real thing...
After she left I tried to get some sleep which I'm not sure I got and waited around for things to move faster. At around 8 PM things had progressed and I was now in the bath tub hanging on for dear life while contractions came over me. JJ called Katie again and she sent Jacqueline to our house.
Jacqueline had been our teacher and we had had a 6 week class with her about what to expect when we were in labor and after. Not having seen her for a few weeks it was nice to see a friendly face again.
So there she is sitting on my toilet while I'm in the tub, talking to JJ and telling him "yeah you are close but this isn't it... the mood will change drastically when it's active labor. Think of the mood and what it's like when you are about to have sex... It will be just like that... and this isn't it... so just relax have a glass of wine or two and see if you can't get her to sleep some." So after all that this still wasn't it? Crap! I mean come on... It had been a full 24 hours at this point and I was ready to have this child like NOW!
So after Jacqueline left, we opened a bottle of wine and had a couple of glasses each which is hilarious when you consider that we don't drink at all. We went to bed after that and JJ being allergic to alcohol was down for the count. I on the other hand was tired but the wine had had no effect what so ever on me... I tried once again to go to sleep and had little success with that... so back to the bath tub I went... the reason the bath tub was now the hot spot in my house is that warm water acts like a sort of epidural so I was just enjoying the reprieve from the actual pain of this "early" labor. In the tub I think I was able to get a few moments of shut eye but nothing to write home about.
The next morning rolls around and JJ once again calls Katie saying "ok this time it has to be it... please come check". She shows up shortly there after and says "yup there's progress but you aren't quite there yet", she was looking for me to be 6 centimeters dilated and I wasn't quite there yet. So she offered to have an apprentice midwife come and act as a doula (person who will help you with your labor) and I was like yes please. So she called Andrey who came into our lives shortly there after.
Andrey is the one I credit with the peace and serenity that I had from that moment on. She made me relax threw the contractions and told me to stop thinking about the pain and to let it just wash over me, to let my body take over and to visualize my uterus opening like a flower so that the baby could come out. Up to that point I had had a frown on my face with each contraction and had tensed up completely. With Andrey's help I was able to just breath threw them like it was nothing. So after having a few contractions, she suggested that we go for a walk and that that would help speed things up and use gravity to our advantage.
Here I am somewhat dilated having contractions walking around our complex with Yoda, JJ and Andrey. With each contraction I would stop and do the 5th grade slow dance with JJ. Meaning I was hanging on to his shoulders with my feet shoulder width apart and rotating my hips as the contractions went on.
After having walked/danced around for what seemed like forever and gone up and down stairs we went home, ordered and had dinner.
Now we were on, so Jacqueline was called back and she checked my cervix and low and behold there had been progress I had gone from barely dilated to 3.5 to 4 centimeters. Not the 6 they were looking for but better than nothing. Jacqueline told me she could feel my bag of waters coming out of my cervix and that right past that she could feel a head. So in my mind we were on the way there and I was ready to rumble. I was told that I needed rest and that they were going to call Luree and have her hypnotize me so that I could get some rest.
It's now day 3 of this and 1AM or so and I'm laying on my left side in bed while Luree is putting me under telling me to imagine that I am walking on a beach and that each wave brings me closer to having my baby and I'm thinking "what in the hell is this? you are going way too fast with your instructions lady... you are telling me to relax all these parts of my body and I'm having a hard time of it... plus how in the hell is this going to allow me to rest if I'm wide awake?" So after round 4 of putting me under, here I am in need of the bathroom so I struggle to get out of bed and run to the bathroom to pee. Luree is like "we can either continue or I can wake everyone up and we can let you have your baby now." I was like "I'm still tired let's see if I can get more rest in plus I hate to wake everyone up." I was secretly hoping that I would sleep for a few more hours and that it would be early morning but not super early so thus ok to wake people up. So here we go with a few more rounds of "imagine you are walking in a forest/beach/field" and now I can feel my contractions and they are now way more pronounced than they were before I went on my walk around nature so much so that hypnosis is no longer working for me and that I'm now wide awake and want this pain to be over with so that I can have this child NOW!
Luree wakes JJ up who had been sleeping in the next room and shows him how to do this massage that is supposed to help me no longer feel my contractions as it confuses the brain as there are too many messages sent to it at the same time. So here's JJ barely awake trying to do this massage on me and while it feels good it's not really helping as he's not doing it like she did but he's trying his hardest tho and he's like "I hate to see you in pain please please please let this be done now please".
After Luree leaves off to the tub I go! Nothing helps like warm water does! It's now 4 or 5 AM and this baby is now ready to come out and all I want is my birth pool to be set up in my living room so that I can have this child NOW!
Katie shows up and they set up in the living room and get the pool ready and in I go. Prior to the whole thing I had asked JJ if he would mind getting into the pool with me so that I could feel him helping me threw this rather than having him sit on the outside of the pool and just talking me threw it. Plus if he was going to catch the baby it would just be easier if he was in there to begin with. He goes to the bedroom and comes back with swim trunks on and get's into the pool and sits on this seat that is built into the pool while I sit in front of him with my butt on the "floor" of the pool.
So I have contractions and he hold my hands while I'm having them and between each of them we are talking and giggling about how we should be charging the midwives rent as they are all sleeping on our couch or bed. They are all completly dead to the world while JJ and I are chatting up a storm making time go by as the contractions get longer and longer and the time between them get's shorter and shorter.
A few hours go by and Jacqueline walks out of the bedroom and to me and asks if she can check my cervix and I'm like hum "no!". I think of the whole experience thus far having someone put their hand up my lady parts to "inspect my progress" is my least favorite so when I'm offered to see how I'm doing down there as much as I might be curious I also could care less...
A few minutes go by and JJ goes to the bathroom. While he's gone Andrey asks me to give JJ the ok to go to sleep which I had already given him prior. When he comes back Andrey talked him into going to get some sleep. So off to bed he went.
After he left the contractions got to be stronger and maybe 5 or 6 contractions after JJ left as I was having a contraction I felt something like a balloon pop between my legs. That was my bag of waters. I tell Andrey this and she get's Jacqueline to check my cervix. Jacqueline checks me and I was right my bag of waters was gone and now she can feel the head I am now 7.5 to 8 centimeters dilated. She feels around a little longer and tells me that the baby's head isn't coming down the way it should and that it's twisted so maybe we should all go for a walk and going up and down stairs should jostle the baby into the right position.
So out of the tub I get and I put on a dress and off we go. Two steps... contraction... two steps... contraction... one step down, two steps down... contraction... going down stairs is like all out torture at this point but if it will help get the baby postionned properly I'm game... well some what...
We get down what seems like 15,000 stairs but is only something like 10 in 5 minutes or so and I feel like I'm complaining the whole time down. Then out the gate we go down 5 more stairs and on to the curb. There Jacqueline looks at me and says: "ok we are going to do something like the duck walk... you will have your left foot on the road and your right foot on the curb and up and down you go till you hit that car... ok?" I looked at her and looked at the car she pointed at which was 2 car lengths away and then look at her and say; "you know I like you right? because when I had a personal trainer I would have killed them if they had asked me to do that... so... count your blessings!" Jacqueline laughed and off I go. One step and one step up... contraction... one step and one step up... contraction... ouch ouch ouch... seriously till that car? Why don't we make it till the moon while we are at it? I make it to the car and by now I'm exhausted so we take a break and sit on the curb and chat for a while. After what seems like an appropriate amount of time to rest off to walk back to the other car. So left foot on the curb and right foot on the road. one step up and one step... contraction... one step up and one step... contraction...
Up the 5 stairs... up the 15 stairs... and we are home... off to the bathroom I go... Baby is now on my blater and it seems that I need to go pee every other minute when I am standing. Off to the bathroom I go and do my business... while I'm in there the midwives have a pow wow and when I get to my bed they are all waiting for me and tell me they are going to grab a sheet and see if moving the sheet back and forth on my belly that it will maybe move the baby in the right position and if that doesn't work that they will try something else.
JJ by now has heard the talking in the bedroom and comes to investigate and finds me on the bed just moaning as the contractions are now unbearable. Katie grabs the sheet and moves it into position and starts moving it and now I'm just not having it. I'm telling her to stop as the combination of contractions and sheet/belly moving action is just too much...
Jacqueline checks my cervix and then runs off to talk with Katie. While they are gone I'm litteraly on the verge of tears and tell JJ that I'm not sure I can handle much more of this...
Katie and Jacqueline come back into the room and tell JJ and I that I haven't progressed in any way and that things haven't changed in the way of the baby's position so that because it's been a few hours that they are suggesting that I be transported to the hospital.
I put my dress back on and off JJ, Jacqueline and I all go to the hospital, which is like 15 minutes away. As we drive there I swear all the pot holes in LA mysteriously find there way on our route and each time we approach on I cringe and that makes my contractions worst. So after a few pot holes I decide that maybe I don't need to have my eyes open and shut them so as to not know when the pain is going to be inflicted on my poor poor body ...
We get to the hospital and walk into the labor and delivery ward and Jacqueline is asking me questions so that we can fill out the information to get me checked in and my brain is just not working... After I get my crap together long enough to answer all her questions off we go to my room... most of the way there this other nurse is like "nope wrong room... please follow me..." and off in the opposite direction we go... and I tell Jacqueline that maybe we should just wait and see if they change their mind about which room I'm going to... since they can't seem to know where I'm going...
In the room I go and I put on the oh so sexy hospital gown... get strapped with two hockey puck like monitors on my belly and wither in pain as I have more contractions... the nurses are done with my "prep" and an anesthesiologist comes in and gives me an epidural and presto the pain of the contractions go bye bye.
For the next 30 minutes or so I'm left alone and I fall asleep in 2 seconds flat and am dead asleep. After that period of time has elapsed they wake me up and check my cervix once again, can't feel that this time, yay! Now I am fully dilated and they are looking at the monitor that's hooked up to my belly and they tell me I'm having a contraction except I can't feel it so as they tell me to push I'm like "ok? but what am I pushing? and where?"
The doctor, Dr. Kline comes in and watches me "push" threw a contraction and tell me that they are going to remove the epidural as it's obvious that I can't feel anything and that I need to feel something in order to push.
Bye bye epidural and now in less than 15 minutes here we go again with the contractions and now I feel like I HAVE to push. And I'm pushing and pushing but it feels like I'm going to poop this child out rather than have it come my cervix.
4 hours of this and I'm exhausted and I want nothing to do with the pushing anymore I'm just way way way too tired. I ask the doctor if we can use a vacuum to get the baby out and off he goes to vacuum the baby out... and then nothing...The Bean has just wedged himself in such a way that he won't come out naturally down the shoot.
Dr Kline had told me that if things didn't progress and that if the baby didn't come out by a certain time that he was going to perform a c-section. This wasn't what I wanted thus the vacuum and the 4 hours of pushing. Ultimately what I wanted and what happened were two very separate things...
So now off to the operating room we go and in a matter of 10 minutes out comes Felix. Up until that moment I had no clue I was carrying a boy and the second I heard him cry I was so very emotional. JJ is all excited about the birth of his son and pulls out his Blackberry and starts taking pictures and video of the happy event.
So here I am on the operating table looking at the clock and watching my golden hour pass me by and start to resent the fact that I'm on this bloody table unable to move while everyone else in the room gets to move around and hold/touch my son.
So after they sew me back up and transfer me to a bed they cart me off to the recovery room. After a few minutes I ask if I can hold my son and all I can do at this point is kiss him... All this work to get this little guy out and after all that he's perfect... My golden hour is almost over but before it is I try to breastfeed him and he latches on... badly and it hurts but who care? because without that first latch breastfeeding would have been a problem...
Katie comes into the recovery room and is the first person we introduce Felix to and she coos over how cute he is. She is also given my placenta which is in a plastic 2 gallon container and fills up half of it. Before she leaves she tells us that she will be back on Saturday with Jacqueline to check up on us.
After she leaves, we are all moved to a private room where we spend the next 3 days bonding with Felix before we are sent home.
What I take out of this experience is that I tried everything I could to get Felix out the "normal" way as opposed to a c-section and that because of his head's position he just couldn't come out that way. That being said if I were to do it again I would in a heart beat. This was the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I can't stop staring at Felix and marvel at how beautiful he is and that for 10 months I created him and made him. I also can't help but be amazed at how he is already his own little person and that even tho he can't talk yet he makes his wishes known.
I love my son more than I could ever explain and hope that the bond the two of us have now will only get stronger as time goes on.
Also I can't thank JJ enough for being with me and holding my hand each step of the way. This process was very much the way I wanted and I can't thank him enough for letting the pregnant hormonal woman get her way.
Katie, Jacqueline and Andrey, I love you! You ladies are rock stars in my eyes! I can't thank you enough for putting up with my crazy labor and mostly for doing away with sleep the way you did.
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